gaslighting. it's a real thing.

have you ever heard of the term "gaslighting"? turns out it was pretty much the definition of what was happening in my life. i'm sure you've probably experienced it at one point too.

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i had a friend text me one day. she told me to google the definition of gaslighting.

i had never even heard of the word. so, obviously i googled it.

the definition

to manipulate [someone] by psychological means into questioning their own sanity.

so basically it's when somebody literally manipulates you into thinking everything you do is insane. they convince you that everything that has happened is your fault, as if the mistakes they are making are your fault.

holy shit. how much more of an accurate description of my situation could that have been. i'm sure some of you reading this are thinking the exact same thing.

listen here sister.

i'm here to tell you that it is sooooo not your fault.

gaslighting is a classic behavior for abusers.

let's just go over the definition of an abuser real quick.

a person who treats another person or animal with cruelty or violence especially regularly or repeatedly.

now, let's go over the definition of cruelty real quick.

behavior that causes pain, suffering, physical, or mental harm to a person or animal whether intentionally or not.

"whether intentionally or not." that's the catch peeps. somebody who is gaslighting you will make you think that this abusive behavior was in fact not intentional, when you know that it fully was intentional.

this type of behavior has the potential break you down to your core, tearing down every level of confidence you have ever built up in yourself. the worst part, the levels don't always fall at once. they mostly go one at a time, making you not even realize they're slowly disappearing until you're left not standing tall anymore.

you're left having to pick yourself up off the ground to build yourself up to stand tall again.

there's one good thing that could come out of this.

the opportunity to build that foundation of confidence so much stronger.

gaslighting is not isolated to only domestic violence or relationships.

however that's where it is the most common.

anybody can be gaslighting you.

it could be your boss, co workers, friends, family, etc.

when i talked about how the levels of confidence go one at a time, what i mean is that you don't even realize how someone can be gaslighting you. because they've already manipulated you into thinking you were wrong. they make you feel like you're always wrong. you're the problem, not them.

again, it is not your fault. you are not the problem. the problem lies in the fact that this person thinks it's okay to treat another person like this. the problem is that this person has gotten away with it so many times, it's just how they are.

"it's just how i am"

"why can't you just get over it?"

"you're the one that made a mistake"

"nobody is going to believe you"

"you're just trying to make me look like the bad guy"

classic excuses. deflection. people that gaslight you will do everything they can to deflect everything onto you. this is how they manipulate you.

i'm here to tell you, it's not your fault.

i wish i would have read the words i'm writing.

i wish i would have seen the signs.

that's another problem. we often don't see these signs until it's gotten so bad, that you're already in that cycle of doubting yourself. that cycle of hoping it will get better.

let me tell you something.

trust your gut.

[another thing i wish i would have done.]

who knew my gut feeling would have been so right.

also, they never change. it never gets better.

it only gets worse.

also, it's not your job to fix them.

it's your job to focus on you.

build yourself back up. give yourself strength. give yourself grace.

stand tall. fix that crown girl. you're a queen.

we're all just trying to figure out this thing called life.

but you don't have to suffer through figuring it out.

like i've said before, i'm walking this path alongside you sister.

we can figure this out together.

i'm here for you. i'll help you fix that crown, queen.