girl, it's not your fault.

we sometimes feel guilt for the actions of our abusers. we sometimes feel like we're at fault for the actions of another person.

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newsflash. it's not your fault.

so, story moment.

my mom saw my abuser out in public for the first time since everything i went through happened and came to light. she made a comment about how he looked just "dark". dark like, he hadn't slept at all. dark like, he was unhappy. dark like, he was just having a hard time.

while it made my heart hurt to know he probably was hurting, [even though i shouldn't have felt bad at all, considering the amount of hurt he's put me through, it's natural to feel bad for someone even if they've caused you harm].

i immediately felt this sense of guilt.

these words ran through my head.

"i put him here."

"i put him in this situation."

"i caused this to happen to him."

"how could i cause another human being harm."

"if i hadn't called the cops, none of this would have ever happened and he wouldn't be feeling like this."

then,

i recently had somebody tell me "some of that darkness he may be feeling, may be from the backlash he's facing from the community."

i immediately thought to myself,

"if i never called the cops, this wouldn't have happened."

"if i could have just kept my mouth shut."

"if i never talked about it, nobody would know."

"if i would have just let it go, he wouldn't be feeling this way."

"if i hadn't pressed charges, he wouldn't be facing this."

all of these thoughts are completely normal when you come out of an abusive relationship.

as humans, we typically never want to cause harm purposely to others.

i'm here to remind you and myself honestly

1. it's not your fault

2. their actions got them to where they are today

3. your actions of stopping and/or preventing abuse protected you from continuing the cycle of harm

abusers thrive off of knowing you feel bad for them.

they prey on the fact that you maybe are too scared to talk about your abuse.

abusers love being able to get under your skin.

they love to gaslight you.

they love to manipulate you into even still, thinking it's your fault.

you are in charge of you.

you are not responsible for the actions of others.

we all learn from a very young age, there are consequences to our actions.

whether the consequences are good or bad.

your actions did not get your abuser to where they are now.

their own actions got them there.

don't feel guilty. it's not your fault.

you are not the reason they are facing repercussions for their actions.

you need to talk about your experience.

you need to heal.

you need to move forward, one step at a time.

you are not doing this to them.

you are protecting yourself.

you are responsible for yourself and your happiness. nobody else.

[unless you're a mama. that's a whole separate deal. but you get the point.]

it's your job to do what's best for you.

i got you, girl.

i promise, each day it get's easier.

i'm here for every step of the way.

you got this.

i'm here for you.

we can do this together.

cheers.